SPINOFFS OF THE "I LOVE YOU VIRUS"

Security experts and federal government authorities warn
that offspring of the dangerous e-mail virus are now on the
loose. As a public service, we present the following list of
"I Love You" variations and how to recognize them:

- The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades
your computer but collects data about it worshipfully from
afar.

- The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your
computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can
find the computer that it really wants to invade.

- The "Happily Married" virus invades only one computer and
stays with it for life.

- The "Unhappily Married" virus spends a long time
negotiating with a computer, finally invades it, and then
strays to other computers from time to time.

- The "I Want A Divorce" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read
messages that your computer isn't working and takes half of
your computer's best data in an ugly network session.

- The "Stalker" virus spends unnatural amounts of time
monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has
thrown away and tries to record all of its functions.

- The "Forever Single" virus causes your computer to focus
solely on other computers that are totally incompatible with
it.

- The "Deadbeat Dad" virus invades your computer, spawns an
entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it
grows.