The Buzzard Cometh

(a comedic "take-off" of Poe's The Raven)

Once upon a midnight bleary
While I pondered, mascara smeary
Over many a quaint flashes of forgotten lore
While I staggered, nearly "napping"
Suddenly there came a tapping
Tapping at my bedroom door

I made my way to the doorway, nearly
Although I couldn't see it clearly
For my foundation ran through every pore
Cracked the door and ripped a thumbnail
Why not? Shit...this night was SOME hell
But I'd been through this before

No one there although I'd heard it
Not a cat or man or bird...IT
Was not there, I couldn't see it as I had before
Maybe I'm enibriated
And surely not appreciated
I'll go to BED...won't drink no more

Fell so thuddingly on my pillow
Drooping like a weeping willow
Grazed the headboard narrowly escaping injury galore
Closed my eyes, my conscience snoozing
The scrape upon my head now oozing...LISTEN UP!
Again I heard some THING outside my door

What the FUCK? Now I was moving
Wobbly legs now quick, improving
Going to find the beast that beckons at my sleeproom door
Flung the door near off its hinges
(NO MORE OF THESE CURSED BINGES)
Big ugly bird flew up and faced me...rain began to pour

"Who the HELL are you?" I asked it
"What you want with ME, you bastard?"
Said, "I'm the Buzzard of the Wind and I have come here for...
The Gods don't like the way you're living
How many favors are you giving?"
Looked me in the eyes as nothing or no one had before

"WRETCH!" I cried, "Thine EX has sent thee
The goods to torture me, he has lent thee!"
Kicked his feathered ass and watched him fly across the floor
"Now GO AWAY and don't come backith
Or you funky feathered tally I'll whackith!"

Quoth the buzzard, "Fine, you Whore."

by:  Marcia McIntyre