Speed of Dark

For years, it has been believed that electric light bulbs emit light, but 
recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light, 
they suck dark. Thus we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark 
Sucker theory and the existence of the Dark Suckers prove that dark 
has mass and is heavier and faster than light. 

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. 
For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room that you are in. There is 
much less dark right next to than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark
Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking 
lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room. 
As with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of 
dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full 
Dark Sucker. 

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You 
can see that after the first use the wick turns black, representing all the 
dark which has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of 
an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of
the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these 
primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. 

There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these the bulbs can't handle 
all of the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. 
When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced 
before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. 

Dark has mass. When it goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the 
mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating Dark 
Sucker. Candles present a special problem the mass must travel into 
a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great 
amount of heat and is therefore even less smart to touch an operating 
candle.

Dark is heavier than light. If you were to slowly swim just below the 
surface of a lake you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim 
deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When 
you got really deep you would be in total darkness. this is because the 
heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at 
the top. This is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand 
in a lighted room in front of a closed, dark closet and slowly opened the 
closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since 
dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.