Sign in a Proctologist office:
      We can only fix the asshole you are sitting
 ON. NOT the one you are
   sitting next to!!!
 
   Veterinarian's Office sign:
      "All unattended children will be given a free
 kitten"
 
   Plumber's Shop:
      "We repair what your husband fixed."
 
   Pizza Shop slogan:
      "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
   At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
      "Invite us to your next blowout."
 
   Door of a Plastic Surgeon's Office:
      "Let us help pick your nose."
 
   Sign at the Psychic's Hotline:
      "Don't call us, we'll call you."
 
   At a Towing Company:
      "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want
 tows."
 
   Billboard on the side of the road:
      "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading
 these signs."
 
   On an Electrician's Business:
      "Let us remove your shorts."
 
   In a Veterinarian's Office:
      "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"
 
   In a Nonsmoking Area:
      "If we see smoking we will assume you are on
 fire and take
   appropriate action."
 
   On Maternity Room Door:
      "Push, Push, Push."
   At an Optometrist's Office:
      "If you don't see what your looking for you've
 come to the right
   place."
 
   On a Taxidermist's window:
      "We really know our stuff."
 
   In a Podiatrist's Office:
      "Time wounds all heels."
 
   On a fence:
      "Salesmen Welcome: Dog food is expensive."
 
   Outside a Muffler Shop:
      "No appointment necessary, we'll hear you
 coming." and " No muff is
   too tuff"
 
   Inside a Bowling Alley:
      "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
 
   In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
      "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
 
   In a Counselor's Office:
      "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is
 optional.
 
   Lot outside Veterinarian's Office:
      "Parking for Customers Only, all others will
 be Neutered.