Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
   
Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
   
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.
   
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.
  
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
   
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
   
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
   
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
   
Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.
   
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
   
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
   
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
   
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
   
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
   
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
   
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
  
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
   
Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? 
A: Men always miss them! 



If you want a nice man, go for a bald one ... they try harder. 

Go for younger men. You might as well ... they never mature 

A woman's work that is never done, is the stuff she asked her husband to do. 

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men ... a woman. 

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men ... strong, caring, loving ... they'd be wrong but you could still use them! 

Men's brains are like the prison system ... not enough cells per man. 

Men are like animals ... messy, insensitive and potentially violent but they make great pets! 

Husbands are like children ... they're fine if they're someone else's. 

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've gotten sick of him. 

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men. don't and "stop" (but not used together). 

Men are all the same. they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.