Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

 
Q: Why is a penis like a balloon?
A: The more you blow, the bigger it gets, until it pops.


This guy comes home dead tired from working a twelve-hour day and 
collapses in bed. He's just about asleep when his wife rolls over 
and says, "What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful, 
sexy, horny woman lying next to you?" He replied.  "Don't worry honey
I'd stay faithful!"

First god created earth, then he rested... 
Then he created man, then he rested... 
Then he created women and no one has rested since! 


What's the most active muscle in a woman ?
~ The penis.

What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
~ A circus is a cunning array of stunts.

What's the definition of a vicious circle?
~ A pussy with teeth.

How can you tell if a woman really likes oral sex?
~ She hikes up her skirt every time someone yawns.

How do you get a woman off during sex?
~ Push her

What's the definition of the ideal man?
One with a twelve-inch tongue and a broom-handle through his ears.


How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it
takes the entire emergency room to get it out!


An elephant is walking through the jungle when he comes
across a naked man standing in a clearing.
The elephant slowly looks the man up and down and says,
"How the hell do ya feed yourself with that?"

Exercise is a dirty word...
every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

A new study shows that going on the Atkins Diet can
turn you into a crabby person with serious mood
swings. On the other hand, the study says that always happens
when you take doughnuts away from a fat person.

Men love to watch two women make love.
I wonder, does this turn them on, or are they just trying to figure out how to do it right?

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame? A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.