Q. What do you call a jar full of buzzing bees?
A. An Amish vibrator.

Q. What do you get when an epileptic farmer falls into the lettuce
patch?
A. Seizure salad.

Q. What's the worst thing about the rising unemployment rate?
A. It gets harder to fuck your girlfriend with her husband home all the
time.

Q. What do K-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both have boys jeans half-off.

Q. What's brown and tastes like applesauce?
A. Baby shit.

Q. What's the worst thing a six-year-old could say to you after sex?
A. "I've had better."

Q. What has four legs and one arm?
A. A Doberman on a children's playground?

Q. What's charred and black and smells really bad?
A. A cat chewing on an extension cord.

Q. What's the worst part about giving your cat a bath?
A. Getting all that fur off your tongue.

Q. What would it take for a man to respect a woman's mind?
A. Have it bounce gently as she walks down the street.

Q. What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
A. Having your dentist confirm it.

Q. How can you tell if a man is dead?
A. He stays stiff for longer than two minutes.

Q. How do most men define marriage?
A. A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.

Q. Have you heard about the new mail-order home surgery kit?
A. It's called "Suture Self."

Q. What tastes great on apple pie but not on pussy?
A. Crust.

Q. What did the bishop do to the priest who admitted his homosexuality?
A. He defrocked him immediately.

Q. What do gay men refer to foreskin as?
A. Mud flaps.

Q. Why is marriage like the Army?
A. Everyone complains about it, but a surprising number re-enlist.

Q. Why do women have two sets of lips?
A. So they can piss and moan at the same time.

Q. Why were lesbians invented?
A. So radical feminists wouldn't breed.

Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a Firestone tire?
A. The tire will eventually go down on you.

Q. How do you turn a washing machine into a snow plow?
A. Give the bitch a shovel.

Q. What's the first thing a woman released from a battered
women's shelter should do?
A. The dishes, if she's smart.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A. A cock that stays up all night.

Q. What do you call female Viagra?
A. Jewelry

Q. What's a "68?"
A. You do me and I'll owe you one.

Q. Why do men like women in leather?
A. Because they smell like new cars.

Q. How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?
A. Douche with beer.

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A. Hold onto your nuts, this is going to be one hell of a blow job.

Q. How can you tell if you're on a Jewish golf course?
A. Instead of yelling, "FORE!" they yell, "$3.99!"

Q. What did the blonde say while watching the porn movie?
A. "There I am!"

Q. Did you hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
A. She was strapped for cash.

Q. Did you hear about the masochistic homosexual?
A. He was sucker for punishment.

Q. What's the most common crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.

Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
A. He sold his soul to Santa.

Q. Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes
closed?
A. She wanted to see what she looked like when she was
sleeping.

Q. How do you know when you're getting old?
A. Your dreams are dry and your farts are wet.

The perfect male lover makes love until 3 a.m., then turns into 
chocolate.

What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A:  If we don't get some support soon, people are going to 
think we're nuts.