Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring 
and good looking?
... They've got boyfriends already


Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how 
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in 
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a 
mile away and you have their shoes.


I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are 
independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you 
call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home 
they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every 
quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.


There are two theories to arguing with women. 
Neither one works.


Q.  What's the difference between a blonde guy and a
    blonde girl?
A.  The blonde girl is likely to have a higher sperm
    count!


A guy tells his doctor, "I am under a lot of stress.  I keep losing my
temper with people and insulting them.  You gotta help me, doctor!"
The doctor says, "Tell me about your problem."
The guy looks at him and yells, "I just did, you stupid bastard!!"


For me the obvious response to "There is no I in TEAM" should 
be "There is no U in REALITY." 


Sex is like math...
Add the bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and 
Multiply!

Q: Why do men like women in leather ?
A: Because they smell like new cars.

Q: What's the difference betweed a used car salesman,
   and a computer salesman?
A: A used car salesman knows when he is lying to you.


A thesaurus is a dinosaur named Roget with a big vocabulary.


Q: What two people were shot in a theater?
A: Abraham Lincoln, and the guy sitting in front of Pee
   Wee Herman.


Q: How do you get a Wisconsin cheerleader into your dorm
   room?
A: Grease her hips and push like hell.