"My theory is that a computer interface should hurt the
user. So I designed new sounds into the product. We've got
'Sound of Puking', 'Fingernails on Blackboard' and 'Bird
Hitting Window'. But suppose the user does something WRONG.
Then we have the sound of a puking bird hitting a black-
board." -Scott Adams


Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and 
drives women wild
A. Money.


You shouldn't use Crisco on your penis because it's shorten-ing.


Why did the redneck cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut!



Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day.  
When she's in a good mood it turns green. 
When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead.


The difference between "hard core" and "soft core" pornography?
"Soft core" pornography is that which gives one a soft-on.




Q. What's the difference between Al Gore and a puppy?
A. After five weeks, the puppy will open its eyes and stop
whining.



Q. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still 
stuck.



What's the definition of an Impotent Loser?
A guy who can't even get his hopes up.



If it was true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are 
the others here for?


How many Chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes 15 visits.


Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for ?
A. It's Braille for "suck here".


People who say that they don't fart are... 
probably full of hot air.


The Clinton legacy is eight years of sex between the Bushes...



Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.